Guacamole

JB and I are trying the Whole30 thing. Not because we want to be on a diet or need to lose weight, but because I usually take on a crazy challenge every summer, just to see what will happen (last year was No Poo). We have been doing pretty well with our eating, but feeling kind of bummed because we miss our usual food (which wasn't really unhealthy to begin with, for the record). But then came a revolution: guacamole totally meets the standards of eating whole foods.

Let me just tell you, my guacamole recipe is pretty good. I'll admit it, I got it from my momma, but I've made some modifications in my technique. Here it is:

AB's Tastiest Guacamole

Don't be like me: Read the directions before you get started!

1 ripe avocado
1 clove of garlic, chopped
1 super-thin slice of red onion, chopped to smithereens
1 splash of lime juice (from about 1/2 a lime)
Kosher salt, to taste

First, cut open your avocado and make sure it's alright. Nothing causes more heartache than prepping the rest of your guac ingredients only to discover that your avocado is teh nast. If it's good, set it aside. (If it's bad, throw it on the compost heap and cry a little.) Chop up your garlic and your onion, and dump them in your guac bowl with the lime juice. I use a small oval Fiestaware baker. Use the back of a spoon to crush everything together. When you're satisfied with your seasonings, use the same spoon that you crunched with to scoop in the avocado. I recommend doing this in small pieces rather than large ones because it makes it easier to mix. Sprinkle kosher salt over the whole deal and mash it up with a fork until it reaches the desired consistency.

We used to eat this with yellow Santitas or Fritos Scoops (sigh), and I considered using veggies as the guac vehicle, but while I was at K-Rog, I spotted some endives. Now, don't go thinking we're all fancy or something because we eat endives. We don't. Or at least, we never have before today. But we will from now on because I've decided that endives are like nature's Scoops.

Arbitrary points for turkey-feather presentation!

Enjoy your guacamole!

Makin' Dough

I love homemade bread. Loooooove it. Despite the fact that my dad makes an entire side of beef for Christmas dinner every year, the part of our annual family meal that I look forward to the most is my grandmother's white and wheat rolls, slathered with butter, and even better over the following days as miniature roast beef sandwiches or toasted with honey.

However, bread baking is not a genetic predisposition. When I tried making my own rolls, they either didn't rise, or looked perfect after baking but had doughy centers. With my history of rather scarring bread baking experiences, I began to shy away from recipes that called for yeast, preferring to bake boring baking powder-risen recipes when bread was needed with a meal.

A couple of months ago, I decided to forget my failed attempts and learn to bake bread for real. I mean, there are plenty of people out there who can do it, so really, the only thing that was stopping me was me... and bad yeast. (Incidentally, my 2012 mantra will be "I can do whatever I want." But anyway.)

Here is what I have learned:

-Buy good yeast. I have never had any success whatsoever using yeast from packets. I buy the kind in a jar and keep it in the refrigerator. (A packet of yeast has 2¼ teaspoons in it, so if a recipe calls for a packet of yeast, there you go.)

-Proof the yeast by adding a tablespoon of sugar with the warm water and yeast. I do this even if the recipe doesn't call for it. Good yeast should form a thick head of foam during proofing.

-Always, always, always add the wet ingredients gradually. I have found that the amount of water it takes to get a good dough consistency varies with the weather, so a recipe may need more or less liquid than what is called for. Better to err on the side of not enough than too much. You can put more in, but you can't take it out!

-Knead for a full ten minutes. Some recipes call for more or less kneading time, but ten minutes has always given me good results.

Kneading builds muscles... unless you use the KitchenAid.

-Oil the dough bowl, then turn the dough in the bowl to coat with oil on all sides. This will keep it from sticking to the bowl, the plastic wrap cover, and later, your hands.

-Make a warm place to rise the dough by pouring boiling water into a pyrex pan on the lower rack of the oven. This helps to keep the dough from drying out. I leave the pan of water in the oven when I bake the bread, too. It seems to give the bread a better crust.

Boiling water pan with covered dough...

...after an hour's rise...

...and with pizza bites, formed and ready to bake.

-I also use the microwave to rise dough if the oven is in use. Ours is mounted over our oven, so it is usually pretty warm in there, but I put a mug of boiling water in with the dough for just in case purposes. This keeps the dough from drying out, too, eliminating the need to cover it during the second rise (which can mess up the shape).

-Rise and bake the bread until it looks right to you. If the recipe says rise until doubled, make sure that happens. Timing also seems to depend on the weather.

-Don't give up. When I had invested half an afternoon (or more), it was like a slap in the face when my bread didn't turn out. But it got better with practice.

The recipe used for the photos is this one, which I make all the time, using the methods described above. Because I can't leave anything alone, I used three cups of white flour and one cup of whole wheat flour for the batch I made tonight... gotta sneak a little healthiness in there when consuming large amounts of carbs!

JB with his pizza bites.

Happy bread baking!